Note: The Second attempt at poetry, rip it apart and enjoy! Thanks for reading.
And the Lights Go Out On Broadway
By Angel of Death
The room started spinning
and dancing like some carousel
Round and round it went,
ceasing to be,
ceasing to stop.
The lights smiled at me with
their dazzling teeth and their
eyes, oh yes their eyes, were
oh so alluring. They sparkled like
the diamonds in the sky.
The words that it sung had my body
hypnotized. It swayed to and fro like
a dandelion blowing in the wind.
I didn't want the night to end but it
came to a close.
The room became a shadow, all the music
and lights were gone. The spinning stopped
and so did I. My hands reached around
but they came up empty. Soon the stage beneath
my feet became concrete.
And the lights that glared down at me,
became that of the stars and the moon.
There was no audience clapping and
no one was watching. For one time in
my life, I give a performance...
And the lights go out on Broadway.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
As I was reading this poem, I wasn't sold on it. For most of it, I wasn't sure what you were trying to portray but then the ending came and. . . wow. I completly and absolutly adored the ending
I thought this was the most emotionally impactful part of the poem and I think it shows that, even though your poem is a little rough, you do have a poetic eye. I understand that this is a non-rhyming poem and I think that because of that, the rythm has to be even more perfect. And I found the way you broke up your lines to be a lttle akward.
Ok well I think that having a perod in the middle of a line is a turn-off to most readers. Or st least, to me. I think it would read much better like this
[/quote]The lights smiled at me
With their dazzling teeth
Their eyes, oh yes, their eyes
Were oh so alluring
They sparkled like diamonds
In the sky[/quote]
Just something to think about. I loved the ideas but you need to make it a little more reader-friendly! Keep Writing!
As I was reading this poem, I wasn't sold on it. For most of it, I wasn't sure what you were trying to portray but then the ending came and. . . wow. I completly and absolutly adored the ending
I thought this was the most emotionally impactful part of the poem and I think it shows that, even though your poem is a little rough, you do have a poetic eye. I understand that this is a non-rhyming poem and I think that because of that, the rythm has to be even more perfect. And I found the way you broke up your lines to be a lttle akward.
Ok well I think that having a perod in the middle of a line is a turn-off to most readers. Or st least, to me. I think it would read much better like this
[/quote]The lights smiled at me
With their dazzling teeth
Their eyes, oh yes, their eyes
Were oh so alluring
They sparkled like diamonds
In the sky[/quote]
Just something to think about. I loved the ideas but you need to make it a little more reader-friendly! Keep Writing!